It was like part of me died inside and turned me numb for a while. I didn’t know how to react, it turned me speechless. I couldn’t cry, it took a lot of time for me to grasp that my child is not alive anymore. I know what it’s like to lose someone and that’s a horrible feeling. People always say that once it goes away, you forget the pain. I am sorry but I disagree as it still hurts.
It was awful. Worst nightmare any woman could hope for. Oh, the tears!! You either cannot sleep at all or you sleep all day. You either cannot eat or you cannot stop eating. You are either dead numb, or you cannot stop sobbing. You are either incapable of working or terrified that somebody will make you stop working and then you have to focus on your terrible sorrow.
The best advice to end the suffering is that you have to go all the way through it. You have to keep moving and will definitely evolve.
Once upon a time, I believed that everything happens for a reason and for the best. But it didn’t make any sense to me. It is too intense; the pain of losing someone. What better reason could you suggest for death of my unborn child? Part of you dies inside and I mean it; literally.
Someone said to me, “you will get over it; you just have to give it some time. This will pass”. I thought she was crazy as I am never going to feel any better than I feel right this moment. I wanted to punch her because I was in agony and the last thing I wanted to think was that I was going to stay that way for a long time. But it’s been three years, I finally feel better.
You have to bring it back to life, little by little, through serving yourself well. I did it through vitamins, therapy, prayer and good friends.
I don’t feel the heart wrenching pain or the lump in my throat or the sting. It’s gone. Wound is healed now. I’m not bitter anymore.
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